My Five First Paragraphs

I am a square peg desperately trying to fit into a round hole. There are times when I am going to my next class on campus and I am watching the other college students around me and I just feel so out of place and out of touch compared to them. They are listening to their Ipods, wearing clothes from the Buckle or Aeopostale or some other trendy store that I never shop at. They are popular and go to parties and have a nicer car than me. Some of them have both of their parents support and go home on the weekends and have roots and ties to their hometown. And I look at myself and how I am none of these things, and the fact that I never will be makes my desperation worse.

Too much Maker’s and coke is a BAD thing. The first one is always nice-not mixed too strong, the ice solidly frozen, just right to take the edge off of the day or week. The second is almost equally as refreshing and perhaps a tad stronger on the amber colored liquid. If I make it to the fourth one, I have lost or am close to loosing my ability to stop pouring, and the glass is have full of Kentucky straight Bourbon Whiskey, half full of Coca-Cola, with a few melted ice cubes faintly swimming around in it, waiting to dissolve into the intoxicating mixture.

Corporate America in a rural town is like a bad joke that is retold over and over again. It never goes away and is not right for the setting in which it is placed. The drive to headquarters is quite imposing-the dark towering building loom ahead almost ominously. Maybe the architect was trying to bring some legitimacy to the place with all the black and somber gray tones used. Everyone is greeted with a too pleasant smile that is clearly fake, and one cannot help but wonder what is really going on at this place of business.

It seems like I spend entirely too much of my time waiting on or for something. This irritates me to no end as I only have 24 hours in a day and like to sleep for at least eight of them. So it is important I use the waking hours I do have wisely, but it never happens the way I have it planned in my mind. The very process of waiting makes time stretch on and I start to time how long I have been doing nothing. I calculate how late they are picking me up or meeting me somewhere or how long it takes to get started on something. This further aggravates me, once I realize exactly how many of those precious minutes have slipped through my fingertips, as I did nothing.

I hate T.V. I also despise movies. The clever producers and directors who have devoted their lives to the God of Film, the too beautiful actors and actresses who play roles and people that I wish were real, the writers who come up with witty dialogue and intriguing plots with the stereotypical twists and turns that keep me on the edge of my seat. Best of all, I love how everything is solved in thirty minutes or an hour or two. Hollywood wraps it all up and decorates it with advertisements of things that I must have and trailers of other movies to come.